Band update: all is well. No one's quit and we've got some new songs. I've been practicing vocal exercises and feel TONS better about my singing. Still no band name. Mikel suggested "Blue Deuces" but it comes from a picture of the sax player's poops after drinking something blue. No one wants to think about that everytime we say our band name....Recording looks eminent- maybe gigs after?
I've been on a string of searches for old friends. We're talking about people from 20 years ago. It's amazing what the internet can do- I've tracked down a handful, mostly people who were in orchestra with me in high school and college. It's gotten me feeling at least a little down on myself, since my life has had a lot of twists and turns compared to the straight lines that have led people to their PhDs and other prestigious/well-paying careers. Of course, I don't think I'd live my life any differently if I could go back and do it over. But it's still hard not to compare when you're looking at people's lists of glorious achievements, even when they themselves proabably wouldn't think they're very impressive. I'm certainly very happy for them. I just feel like a little kid sometimes when the things I brag about most are playing in rock bands and having been a party girl in Taiwan! If I only had something to show for it....
I guess the main thing is, every time I've gotten going in one direction, something happens to change it. Sometimes it's just me and my lack of motivation, sometimes it's other circumstances like health (carpal tunnel), moving (goodbye, San Francisco and experimental music) or politics (being kicked out of a band). When I came back from Taiwan 15 years ago, I was ready to shoot like a rocket into the art world and take it by storm. I just got completely flustered trying to figure out how, and I guess I'm still searching now. I wish I had the conviction to just go for it, whatever "it" happens to be, and not get bored or disenchanted enough to quit until I get somewhere.
I do have my violin teaching, and I'm determined to build up my studio even though it's not the most practical of jobs for this family. I'm finally good at something and I'm getting recognition for my efforts. I'm getting a reputation as a good teacher and that means a lot to me. I just hope I can continue doing it now that I've gotten established.
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2 comments:
You can throw writing in your list of artistic talents. You write beautifully and I really felt you there. I think identity crises will come and go throughout our lives. I know motivation has been tough for me too. Sometimes I can't see past my role as a mom. Finding time for myself is like work in progress. We'll see if I can figure out how to handle it if I ever get it!
*Yay! Someone commented on your bolg!!*
Love, Suzanne
Well said.
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